Monday, October 24, 2011

To be honest and all.

Friends, this is so long overdue, I feel I need to write to purge my soul and apologize, all at the same time!  I used to write and journal for myself...and I often feel like I have time for everything BUT myself as of late.  I am making no promises that the journey will continue to be regular, but I will promise for it to be honest! 

I know so many of you continue to read our blog to follow our adoption journey.  That journey is long and difficult and it seems to have come to a stall.  We have been waiting for 6 months...well, make that 14 years...but on a "real" waiting list for 6 months - simply for an application.  A piece of paper.  Something that says, yes...we'll consider you a family worth investing in a forever for.  The call to adopt is never one that we will question...but the process...oh, the process...

We have been through things that many families have struggled with - marital growing pains, sudden deployment, miscarriage, financial setbacks, job issues, etc. - and we are blessed that God continues to show himself strong in the midst of that AND in bringing glory to himself.  We have laughed and cried with many of you as we have been able to share our story of redemption and healing and believe that God works through those conversations.  We have rejoiced in the inexplicable joy of dear friends expanding their families through their bellies and their hearts. 

But we continue to wait. 

Its hard and it hurts and its ugly and it sucks.  To be honest and all. 

And some days its beautiful and its just fine and sometimes its full of hope and promise.  To be honest and all. 

Many of you know our hearts and have walked this process with us for a few years now as it has ebbed and flowed in its own way.  We thank you because there are times I feel we couldn't live without your encouragement.  Right now, after a long journey in the desert, I feel that hope is rising in my own heart again.  That God is on the move.  His faithfulness is astounding and His promises are true.  My heart is believing it. 

I don't know what the journey looks like from here...but I have some good perspective.  The sun is rising on the side of the mountain that I am climbing and the light can be blinding.  But we are never walking alone. 

“They say Aslan is on the move - perhaps has already landed.”

And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different. Perhaps it has sometimes happened to you in a dream that someone says something which you don't understand but in the dream it feels as if it had some enormous meaning - either a terrifying one which turns the whole dream into a nightmare or else a lovely meaning too lovely to put into words, which makes the dream so beautiful that you remember it all your life and are always wishing you could get into that dream again. It was like that now. At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – Chapter 7

I love that.  To be honest and all.  <3

1 comment:

  1. Ugh. So much truth, raw truth. But beautiful truth.

    You are loved and you are prayed for.