Conflict Zone: Valvoline-gate

I'm certain there are those of you out there who think and/or believe that since my husband and I are hundreds of miles away from one another, we only speak words of love, kindness and longing to and for one another. Well, let me slap you into reality. *grin* While we DO certainly do those things...there is still an element of "realness" to our odd long-distance marriage at times. And when I say "realness"....read "CONFLICT." We are not argue-ers by nature. But here is a recent going-on, just so you can all know and be assured that we are 100% still normal...I like to call it, "Valvoline-gate."

Setting the stage: So, I'm 5,000 miles over an oil change. I knew I needed one, but the money just never seemed to be there. Before Joshua left, he gave me a coupon book from Valvoline with some great money-savers. So, one day, I decide to use it. I pull into Valvoline, and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hi! I'd like to use this coupon for an oil change! (It was a regular oil change and 2 wipers for $5 off...I THOUGHT this was a good deal)

Greasy Valvoline Guy: Sure. (Puts the coupon into the computer) Hey, you don't look like Joshua Carr. (Good thing, huh, ladies?!)

Me: Nope. That's my husband. He's gone with the military and so he told me to use these coupons.

Greasy Valvoline Guy: Oh. Where'd he get sent? (Fishing for my vulnerabilities here....waiting to attack....)

Me: Blah, blah, blah...filling in the blanks with the details...

Greasy Valvoline Guy: (Preying on my vulnerabilities...sees his chance...) Hey, actually, you'd save MORE money if you went with this other coupon...

Me: Save more money? Sign me up! My husband would be proud!!!

We now commence the oil change and stop the mindless banter.




Ok...oil change over.




Greasy Sneaky Stinker of a Valvoline Guy: That'll be $79.95

Me: CLANNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKK....... (the sound of my jaw hitting the floor as I reluctantly hand over my debit card....)

We exit Valvoline now because the setting has become dark and ominous...

I now realize on my way home from my $80 oil change in which my car now has oil running through it that has been blessed by Jesus himself (which is pretty sure why I think it was so expensive...), that I should probably call my husband and alert him to this nonsense before he sees it for himself online. (This would be me attempting to confess before I get in major trouble! *laughing*)

I'll let you be a fly on the wall for THIS conversation:

Me: Honey...(trepidation fills my voice...)...so the guys at Valvoline took me for a ride.

Joshua, my darling husband: How expensive of a ride?

Me: ...uh....an $80 ride?

Joshua, my patient, loving husband: WHAT?!?! What did you buy??

Me: Nothing! Just an oil change and the guy's firstborn child. (Just kidding about that part) Well, and two wipers.

Joshua: So what did you buy?!

Me: (Still not apparently understanding the question)...Why do you always think I'm buying something? I'm telling you what happened...

The button pushing begins, and the argument ensues...

And so it goes. *grin* What I thought would be a frugal move on my part to save money blew up in my face. And my "confession" was met with major frustration...on both of our parts. The evening ended with both of us not speaking until the next day.

What ends up being the really positive part of this story is that even though we may not be together physically right now, we are beginning to understand how deeply important it is to communicate clearly with one another. We are also starting to have greater insight as to what words, non-verbals, etc. will really push one or the other over the edge. So often, I think, when couples disagree, it can be very healthy! The outcome, and the struggle to get to the understanding there, is worth its weight in gold. When we acknowledge those areas that we might be fearful of in our own lives and reactions in conversations, we can begin to work through them together. What seems frustrating and painful in life typically ends up being something beautiful and worthwhile in the eyes of the Lord.

And aren't all of our relationships worth that?

Colossians 3:12-14, 4:6

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you maybe have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity...Let your conversations be always full of grace...

What would our relationships with others look like if we lived this out...? I bet it'd be darn good.

*Wishing you healthy-conflict and grace-filled outcomes...*
~meg