Love Is Something That You Do

I went for a long time in life thinking love was something that was just "easy" when you found the right person. That when you were with that person that everything would fall into place and no matter the circumstances, you would overcome it. Well...anyone that is older than 12 years of age and has actually been in a lasting relationship (or seen one) knows that love is something that you either make better daily or it is something that can fall to the wayside. I'd like to believe that Meg and I have figured out a lot of that. While we've only been married just shy of 6 years and together 8 1/2 total years, we have found out a lot about each other and what it takes to make your love grow daily.

I was very fortunate in life to have my parents stay together (and still are today) and they were a good model for me. They made me see that no matter what, come hell or high water, you stay together. You made this commitment and you are going to stay with it. I was also fortunate to see them love one another and want to be with each other. Meg and I have have the same thoughts on this. That we're going to make it work. And now matter what, I know I can depend on her, and she on me, that we'll be there for each other tomorrow. But the question still remains, how does that love grow daily? Well...like the title of this blog, love is something that you do. Thus making it an action. Something you purposely and willingly participate in. I've decided that I want to be happy with this woman that I've vowed to spend the rest of my life with. With this woman that I can honestly say has made me into a better man. So with all that being said, I guess here are some of the tips I've done to try and intentionally love my wife.

1. Try not to lose the feeling of excitement to see and be with each other. Remember when you were first dating or first getting to know each other? There was no obstacle too big, no cost too great, no need for sleep, no date too boring. You were excited just to be with that person and spend the time with them; regardless of what you were doing or regardless of how much sleep you didn't get. Or if it was you Spring Break and you still were getting up at 7:00am just to take her to physical therapy. :-)

2. Don't be afraid to apologize. No matter what our argument, one of us is going to extend the olive branch. And I'm happy to say that it is never the same person. I'll extend it this time, she'll extend it next. The important thing is that after we've become frustrated with each other and walk away from the situation, we're both ready to come back to it and talk and work out a solution.

3. Don't go to bed upset...or at least don't wake up angry. Meg and I are two totally different communicators. I'm a yeller. I blurt out what I'm thinking and then I'm good. Five minutes after an argument I'm ready to go get ice cream together. Meg is a processor. She takes it all in, evaluates what I said, analyses what I meant by it, formulates a good response and then comes and talks to me about it. The problem with our different styles is the amount of time my takes versus hers. Like I said, after about 5 minutes, I'm good to go. She needs a little longer than that. It used to bother me. I was ready to make up and move on and she needed me out of her face (for that whole processing thing). So I would go to bed thinking this would carry over until tomorrow and here should come, 2:00 in the morning and wanting to talk. Once the two of figured all this out, communication definitely became easier. So now I know that even if we go to bed upset, we 'll be talking about it soon enough.

4. Learn to speak their Love Language. There is a book out there called "The Five Love Languages". When Meg first told me about this book, I thought she was talking about something a bunch of drug-inspired hippies would be reading. However, I stopped and read this book and found there is a some great things in there and we all communicate differently. My love language is physical touch (and not necessarily like that). I love to be with her. To hold her hand, rub her back, have her play with my hair while I'm driving. I love to know she is right there. Her love language is quality time. She loves it if I'll sit down and watch a chick flick, go on a picnic, take her on a walk. Just to have the time for us. Understanding and deliberately speaking the other's language is vital.

5. Make love a priority. Like I already said, love is something that you do. Being on this deployment has made me see even more how much I love my wife. That I hate being away from her everyday. How much I appreciate the little things we did for each other and how much I can't wait to be back to her. And even though we're apart daily, I know our love is growing stronger for one another.

I guess this blog is long enough so I'll wrap it all up. I wish I could tell you what my inspiration was to write this blog but I keep coming back to the same answer, "I love my wife".

Happy Valentines Day!!


Josh